Kim Priore

It’s hard to explain the joy of the Haitian people until you’ve experienced their stoicism day in and day out.  These people face more challenge and hardship in one day that I will likely face in my whole life.

Today we got rain.  It came in the afternoon: hard, driving, soaking rain – the kind that makes debris lying around a yard rise up and float away.  Prior to this it was a very busy morning for me.  We basically packed about two weeks of work into one day.  Make that  half of one – we were done by 2:30.  It began with our scheduled 8:30 meeting with the chicken coop committee, which convened promptly at 10:45.  I got all of my questions answered, heard about how difficult it is to keep this small business afloat, their determination to make it succeed, to learn from their mistakes and setbacks and make it better.  I also got a good look at the sugar mill and an update on that, not to mention a marriage proposal from a toothless guy with a wife and a few kids at home.  Sweet.  Then Jephthe took me to the homes of a few people who had purchased eggs from the chicken farm, brought them home and hatched them, built their own little coops, and are replicating the project on a smaller scale.  One guy hopes the eggs will help pay his way toward finishing high school.  Through the streets and backyards your intrepid reporter traipsed, over sugar cane husks, trash, and Lord knows what else.  I even got my donkey ride!  Yes it’s on video and yes (Dad and Doug I’ll just beat you to it here) I made an ass of myself.

In the meeting this morning, sweltering under a tin roof, swatting at flies, and enjoying the smell of a couple hundred chickens, it occurred to me how very different this was from a business meeting in the States.  I looked at the little chicken coops that people had slapped together in their yards – not trying to be mean but to the untrained eye they look, well, pathetic.  You have to know what they represent to see the hope therein.  On the way back, Jephthe pointed out the house where Sanon grew up, which is really quite decent for here, but which was just a harsh reminder that this world contains disparities which divide people who migh otherwise see eye to eye.  It made me angry and sad.

So I mulled all this over this afternoon as I napped and attempted to sleep off a headache.  Then the rains came.  When rain comes in Haiti, life comes to a stop.  They’ll cancel class, close up shop – I’m not kidding, my kind of place.  So the crowd on the front porch of the guest house had started to grow and I went out to see what was up.

There was a card game going on, Mitou was having her hair braided, the kids were splashing in the growing lake in the front yard, and Jephthe was – well – being Jephthe.  He couldn’t contain his joy at the much-needed rain, and the prospect that we might have working showers before I left.  As lightning split the sky and deafening thunder echoed off Mt. Pignon, the mood was one of general revelry.  Over and over I kept hearing peppered throughout the conversation the word “dlo,” the Creole word for water.

Immediately I started to worry about what this would mean for our drive to Cap tomorrow.  Jephthe just shrugged: “God will make a way somehow.”  I finally had to catch myself and say, Has God not provided everything else for this trip?  And not in my timing, but in His?  Look around, I thought.  Look at these people who could find so much to worry and complain about, and instead they’re rejoicing in the “dlo.”  Even Mitou, who rarely speaks in English unless I ask her something, was beaming up at me from under her half-braided afro, “God is good.”

This is the point in the trip at which I’m supposed to have it all figured out, and present you with such nuggets of wisdom as, “They’re poor but still so happy, and so giving.  And the children broke my heart.”  And those things are to some extent true.  But they’re not happy all the time, there’s nothing romantic about a poverty that means you can’t feed your kids.  Both Caleb and Jephthe have had problems since I’ve been here with empoyees stealing from them.  At times I know I’ve been the object of not-so-kind laughter.  And quite frankly, y’all, begging kids can get annoying after awhile.

The truth of the matter is that people are people no matter where you go.  There are nice ones and mean ones and inspiring ones and those that will disappoint you.  There’s not much you can do about that.  But it’s a sinful, fallen world that says it’s ok for Jephthe’s kids to grow up here while ours grow up wanting for nothing.  I hate it when people try to explain Haiti’s poverty with simplistic answers about work ethic or alcohol or Vodou.  But I hate it even more when they seem ok with it.  And so I’ll do my small part to change it, not because I think I can, but because I’m not ok with it.

I wrote this entry out longhand in my journal because the power’s not on yet and even if it was, it’s still raining too hard to try and make it over to the cyber cafe (Hey, when in Haiti…).  I may have to build an ark to make it to Cap tomorrow.  For all I know this is some huge tropical storm, not like I’ve seen a forecast in 2 weeks.  What I do know is that tonight, God has sent “dlo” to people who know how to rejoice in it.  And I’m really honored to be with them.

Greetings all, from rainy Pignon.  This is good news, they really need rain.  Every day we get like a little bit, but we haven’t had a good rainstorm since I’ve been here, this is the first.

So the word is I’m staying one more day in Pignon and leaving for Cap Tuesday morning.  I just have to trust that we’ll get there in time for my flight and that everything will work out.  It’s going to be a long day of travel, what with the four hour drive to Cap and then the MFI flight which can take up to 4 hours, depending on how many stops we make.  BUT the good news is, Pastor Jephthe insisted on a Tuesday departure, because, he says, we have much to accomplish tomorrow.  You’re tellin’ me, I say.  So the day is kicking off with an 8:30 meeting with the chicken farm and sugar mill people, that I actually get to attend and ask my questions in person, so I’m really happy about that.  And I got to clarify some things with him tonight about the water project, so that’s good too.  So slowly but surely things are coming together and I *think* I will get what I need to do my job.

So today was pretty slow, the highlights were church (it’s a stretch to call that a highlight but hey it was something to do) AND getting my hair braided, Haitian style.  So I shall look quite fabulous when I get back.  Ronise did it, who’s a 19 year old girl who lives with Jephthe and Mitou.  And of course there was like a committee around her consulting and offering opinions, even Mitou came out at one point, circled me, gave some instructions in Creole that necessitated Ronise taking out some braids and re-doing them, it was quite the production. 

One of the amazing things about this community is the way they take in kids in need.  Jephthe and Mitou had already taken in like 2 kids before they even had one of their own, and now they have Ronise too.  Even Pa and Ma Sidoine, who have like 9 grown kids, have at least one foster kid that I know of right now.  And they’ve had numerous ones over the years.  Moise, the one they have now, is 2 years old and is SO CUTE.  I have many photos and videos of Mo.  But apparently he’s from one of the villages where they have a satellite church, and his mom was like crazy or whatever, and they were trying to do something about it, and the last straw was when the mother tied him up in a tree by one arm.  This is when he was like 3 or 4 months old.  So sad.  And taking care of the kids is like a community thing, it’s very different from our conception of like the nuclear family that sits down to eat every night.  I miss that, but at the same time it’s kind of cool to observe this kind of community.  But also, Bos Ely, who was our boss on the worksite last year, was one of the first foster kids that Pa and Ma Sidoine took in.  I didn’t know that.

Anyways, so tomorrow looks to be a busy day, and an early night as we will be leaving at the CRACK of dawn on Tuesday.  (There’s a rumor that the car we’re taking to Cap is air conditioned.  I don’t know if I’m that lucky but I’m holding out hope.)  Hopefully I will have time for one more post, but if not, you all can assume no news is good news.

Which reminds me – a footnote:  I hear there’s been some stories about the troubles in Port au Prince in the news recently.  To be honest I’ve stopped reading my Google alerts for Haiti while I’m here, because they seem so completely unrelated to the reality I’m living.  And I know that it’s not unrelated, obviously, the instability there is the reason they don’t have good roads here.  All politics is local, ultimately.  But Port au Prince is 12 hours by car, and all the violence seems light years away from the people I’m meeting here.  And Cap has been very quiet.  So please continue to keep Haiti in your prayers, and at the same time rest assured I have felt very safe the whole time I’m here, and the people who live here all the time, both Haitians and Americans, are not worried at all. 

So that’s all, good night from peaceful, rainy Pignon!

Oh we’re rockin’ out people.  Choir practice is going strong…choir practice is where they sing the same song for roughly 2 hours at MAXIMUM volume…and then I get to hear it again in church tomorrow.  Woo!

So the word on Pastor Jephthe is that his malaria test came back negative but they’re treating him anyways…apparently this is common.  Kara tells me at the Pignon hospital they will give you 3 things: chloroquine (the malaria drug), vitamin C, and penicillin.  So we’re not sure what’s wrong with him, it’s possible that the test is a false negative, also possible that it’s some mystery illness.  He’s really bummed out about not feeling well, and I feel really bad for him.  However he was up and around a little bit today, unlike yesterday when I didn’t see  him all day and I basically retreated up the hill to Caleb and Debbie’s with Kara for the whole day.  I feel bad not hanging around the guest house more, but I can’t tell you how exhausting it is to feel like you’re being stared at all the time by people you can’t communicate with.  And with Jephthe ill I’ve been eating by myself which is just like the pinnacle of pathetic for me.  I have to like psych myself up to go out for breakfast, because when you’re the only one eating you can’t hide it if you don’t like it.  Anyways, sorry to vent but I was having kind of a bad attitude today.

BUT it got SO much better when Jephthe announced that “they” were doing “something” related to the water project, and that I could go down and see it and take pictures.  Woohoo!  I’m like what, 9 days into this trip and I get to start doing my job?  Sweet.  So it was great because Phenes and Joe and a bunch of the guys who live at Caleb’s took me and Kara down to the site and it was sort of a joint interpreting effort.  For those who were here before, it’s like the walk down to the river but just not all the way…but so basically climbing down a really steep sort of stream bed only with no water, just some mud…so I’m in a skirt…thankfully a shorter one today…totally neglected to put on the nice sturdy Teva sandals that I bought so I’m rockin’ like the cheap Target flip-flops, but I totally don’t care.  I’m like hopping over logs and from rock to rock (Dougie, totally like New Hampshire when we used to be all Indiana Jones and climb the rocks!) and snapping pictures and taking notes, and for like about 15 minutes I was Kim Priore, Intrepid Third World Girl Reporter.  I’m goin’ all Christiane Amanpour.  So anyways, they’re basically hooking up this big electric pump that will take water from the spring, pump it up to the top of the mountain where it gets processed, and then distribute it down the town.  Or something.  I’m a little fuzzy on the details, but hey, that’s Haiti.

Jephthe also assures me that he has “people” working on “reports” for me, and that he’s on top of the info for BH.  He was hoping the reports would be in tonight, but so far no dice.  So I’m just hoping they’re in with enough time to spare for me to read them over and ask any follow-up questions.  It looks like I’m most likely leaving Pignon sometime on Monday and spending the night in Cap for my flight out on Tuesday.  I forget what I’ve posted already and I’m too lazy to go back and look, but Kara has decided she wants to go home for a little break, so she’s on my MFI flight, as well as Ma Sidoine and some of the grandkids she’s flying back to Florida.  Or something.  Again, you learn not to expect details.  But it’s nice to know there will be a bunch of Pignon-ians on my flight back to keep me company.  At any rate it’s looking like tomorrow will be my last full day in Pignon!  Crazy.  I’m definitely ready to come home, and will be processing for weeks to come but at this point, am totally glad I came and it’s been a character building experience for sure, but just very different than I think I expected.  Not sure what I expected really.  I’m rambling, and that’s what my journal’s for.

So anyways, that’s all for now folks, hopefully I’ll get to do one last post, we’ll see, but for now, hope you’re all having a fabulous weekend!

Hey guys – not much to report today as it was a pretty slow day for me.  BUT bigtime prayer request…Pastor Jephthe has malaria.  He was complaining of not feeling well yesterday on the trip to Cap, and was worse this morning so they made him go to the doctor.  Those in the malaria know (basically everyone except me, they’ve all had it multiple times) say that he caught it early enough (unlike last time when he stubbornly refused to go to the doctor) that he should start feeling better in a day or so.  They also say, however, that when you have to do the malaria treatment in such huge doses all at once that it makes you feel really run down and crappy.  So this is a prayer request on a number of levels…OBVIOUSLY first and foremost for Jephthe…what I should have mentioned yesterday is that the reason he was late leaving for Cap is he was preaching at a prayer meeting at church…as in a prayer meeting that meets before the sun’s even up.  Then after we got back from that hellish ride, he didn’t even have time to sit and eat, he was off to lead a Bible study.  All of this on no sleep because they have an 18-month-old and a newborn.  The man’s amazing, he never stops going.  So I’m very concerned for him.  Also, not to be selfish and make it about me…but this is what I get for trying to be all laid back and Haitian and not pepper him with a million questions all at once.  Now time is running out for me to get the info I need for Bright Hope, and I’m trying not to panic about it.  So anyways, if you all could keep him in prayer, as well as me that whatever God wants me to accomplish on this trip he will make happen and that I will just have to trust in that. 

Other than that, I’m being very chill.  I’m up at Caleb and Debbie’s right now, and with our few hours of city power the kids are watching Return of the Jedi.  Hardly roughing it.  But eventually I’ll have to return to the guest house and the no running water.  Oh well.  A few more days and I’m home!  Love to you all.  And bigtime shout out to Jamie for hooking me up with the malaria pills!  Good thing I covered that base. 

Today I had a very Haitian day.  It started out at 4:45 this morning.  Jephthe and I had discussed yesterday the possibility of me going along on his ride to Cap Haitien to pick up his dad from the airport.  Cap is 40 miles from Pignon but it takes about 4 hours to get there because the road is sooooooooo bad.  There were some last minute questions as to whether or not there would be room for me in the car, but I never got a definitive answer.  So I figured, I’ll be up at 5 (the time he said he wanted to leave) and be ready to go.  I hear him up and around, but he doesn’t come knocking.  I sit there for awhile till about 5:30 when I decide he’s most likely left without me and there wasn’t room, crawl back into my bunk but stay dressed just in case.  About 6 I finally decide, he’s definitely gone by now, and I get undressed again, and take the contacts out.  6:22 a.m. I hear “My Keeem? Are you ready?”  GL.  So we’re up and at ‘em.  Then I started timing, and it was literally 7:30 before we left Pignon.  That my friends is a Haitian morning.

The road to Cap is unbelievable.  I did it once before, in the back of a truck.  We went in a Jeep this time, and there were 5 adults, two children who DEFINITELY should have been in car seats, and one girl of about 10 or 11 maybe, on my lap.  Britney Spears has nothin’ on us, y’all, THIS is country.  It’s impossible to sum up the ride in one word, so here are a few:  terrifying, bone-jarring, exhilarating, breath-taking, exhausting.  My favorite are the parts when you round a bend and think, why, the road is completely gone.  And then you realize the car is going RIGHT THRU THE RIVER.  This was a lot less scary when we did it in a big truck.  I could have reached out and touched the water, I’m not sure how we didn’t stall out.  I told Jephthe that in Boston people pay a lot of money and call this a Duck Tour.  He thought that was pretty funny.  Then we’d come across these enormous mud puddles, and he’d either charge right thru with no way of knowing (in my judgment anyway) how deep they were, and I’d think “this is it we’re going to get stuck” OR he’d sort of skirt the edge of this really deep puddle, and I’d think “this is it, we’re going to tip over.”  This happens…roughly every 5 feet.  For four hours.  I said lots of Hail Mary’s, my Nana Mella would be proud.  (Mum you can leave that part out when you read to Nana Phyllis.) 

The thing about this drive is it also features some of the most breathtaking mountain vistas I’ve ever seen in my life, and I don’t even have pictures, because the road is too bumpy to take any.  But my deep thought for the day is, if you only focus on how rough the road is, you miss the beautiful view of the bigger picture.  Ok that’s it for my Jack Handy moment.

Anyways once in Cap it was a lot of driving around and waiting and sweating and driving around and waiting and sweating and driving around and waiting.  And sweating.  Have I mentioned the sweating?  Because there was a lot of it.  We dropped someone off at the Hotel Mont Joli, so I got to see that again, and ate at the Lakay restaurant where my team ate last time, the site of the infamous Mambo #5.  Sometimes it’s fun to re-live memories, and sometimes it can be hard.  Particularly when people were a part of them who aren’t in your life anymore, or who aren’t there in the same capacity they once were.  So that was actually a little difficult for me.

We finally arrived back in Pignon circa 8:00 this evening.  The ride home featured me jammed in the back seat with 3 other women.  One of whom was Jephthe’s mom.  “Ma’am Sidoine” as she is known, is like the matriarch of this clan which boasts 9 children, many of them pastors, and grandchildren too numerous to count, spread across Haiti and the US.  She’s amazing to me.  I treat her with the utmost deference.  She was now seated on my lap.  Awesome.  BUT…I got to shower tonight, and it’s amazing what a difference being clean can make.

So that’s all from Haiti tonight folks.  Prayer requests are, that I would be able to pin Jephthe down on the information that I need for Bright Hope and make good use of my remaining time here, that I would continue to be able to build a relationship with his wife Mitou who is really sweet and shy and her English is limited.  Asking direct questions is not a part of Haitian culture, they tend to find it really jarring when you do that and they don’t do it to you.  So I’m still trying to figure out how exactly you get to know a Haitian.  Ha.  I’m also processing some stuff in my personal life, just in terms of relationships and learning to let go of some things, and I could really use prayer for that as I seek some closure and peace.   At the same time not wanting it to dominate my thoughts either. 

Miss you all and love you all tons!  Thank you so much for the emails…my internet time is so limited and the connection so slow that I’m not able to answer them all but receiving them when I log on is a big encouragement! 

Love from Haiti, Kim

Hey guys!  Well computer issues continue to abound, I think it’s just one of the ways I’m being tested this week.  Because apparently not having running water was not enough.  Who knew.

Last night for a fun change of scenery, Missy and I slept out at Kara’s little apartment place, which is at Caleb’s school, so kind of on the outskirts of town.  (By the airport and the chicken farm, for those with a frame of reference).  So it was nice, it’s a lot cooler out there and it was a pleasant evening and nice to have a little privacy since with so many random people coming and going from the guest house at all times you kind of feel like you’re under a microscope, and like people are talking about you but you can’t tell what they’re saying.  So whatever.

This morning Jephthe picked us up and we stopped by the Sugar Mill/Chicken farm…not entirely clear why but always fun to be there, it was a really clear morning and the scenery was beautiful.  Got to watch Jephthe explore his inner Haitian child by knocking ripe mangos down out of a tree with a sugar cane stalk. 

I spent the bulk of my day sorting shoes in this warehouse type thing (aka a cynder block room with very little light or ventilation).  These were shoes donated through Bright Hope (I think) and they get all mixed up in transit so we had to find matches for them.  We worked with a bunch of the young Haitian guys that live with Caleb and Debbie.  Today’s tip, people, is when you give shoes to charity, please tie them together by the laces.  Or with several rubber bands.  I’m gonna have to veto the duct tape idea because it melts and gets sticky.  Anyways this was a dull boring dirty job, but hey, yesterday I was bored and wishing for something to do.  That’ll teach me.

Speaking of teaching, have I mentioned that I hate English?  At least teaching it.  It’s very annoying and makes no sense at all. 

So that’s about all there is to report folks.  Kinda just feeling a little dirty and homesick.  Otherwise, status quo.  One week from today I leave Pignon and one week from tomorrow I’m home!  Woo!  The good news is Jephthe and I sat down today and went over what information I need to capture for Bright Hope, so he IS aware of it and he PROMISES me that I will get everything I need.  We shall see….

Good night from the tropics, miss you all!

Sak pase people!  I am coming to you live from my new favorite place in Pignon, the AIRCONDITIONED cyber cafe next to the hospital.  I’m thinking of having my mail forwarded here and taking up permanent residence.So I have had many many issues attempting to post the past few nights, I appear to have some kind of vodou curse on me when it comes to computers, but I love you all so I’m giving it another shot.

Saturday was market day in Pignon so my big adventure was taking a ride out to the Pignon by fourwheeler.  There’s this American girl Kara who lives here full time and teaches at Caleb’s school, and she tools around on a fourwheeler.  Y’all, that is the way to travel.  The market was indescribable.  Prior to this I had only shopped with like the women who come to the guest house and hawk you the touristy stuff. This was the actual market where the Haitians shop.  Like I’m pretty sure I got splattered with chicken guts at one point because someone was hacking away at their fresh meat.  The sell laundry soap in these long bars, which when you see them, makes sense for scrubbing.  Their salt is really course and chunky.  There’s these little huts everywhere made out sticks and it’s just a mad crush of people.  Very authentic national geographic feeling.  It was so cool.

The second thing I did on Saturday was take a ride out to the chicken coop my team worked on when we were here last time.  And at some point I’m going to have to go back and be all reportery and write things down for Bright Hope like the professional I am, but for now all I could do was stand there and stare.  You guys, it was so cool to see how it’s grown!  There are three more buildings now, two behind the big coop that are used as clinics for the sick chickens, and one opposite the door (Scott’s door!) that is used for breeding.  (Line of the day from Jephthe:  “Kim, come see how I reproduce.”  Um, ‘scuse me, what was that?)

And speaking of Jephthe reproducing, Mitou and Abdell came home from the hospital on Saturday!  They’re staying at the guest house because he is in the process of moving his household over there, so they can be more involved with the teams when they come, which I told him I thought was a great idea.  And he had their relatives decorate her room all pretty with like streamers and lace over the curtain, and basically y’all some things are romantic in any language.  It was the sweetest thing ever.  And thanks to the quick thinking of my mother and her last minute purchase of a disposable video camera, I got it all on tape!  Woo!  (Those of you who have viewed my first foray into videography with the infamous Trip To Michigan With The Aunties in the RV are anxiously awaiting a sequel, I’m sure.)

So that was Saturday, Sunday was church, which – yes, ’05 team members, is as long as you remember.  Then we took a ride out to Pastor Ismael’s camp in Santiauge.  (Pastor Ismael is the pastor I visited in Queens when Jephthe and Sanon were there last fall.)  He runs a camp for kids on the spot where he was born, apparently it used to be a big vodou area and the church has claimed it back.  We rode out on a pickup truck, which is just as painful and Survivor-feeling as I remember, and then we actually walked back, because it wasn’t that far.  And as much as I miss having a team with me, it’s also really fun to be able to wander around town with one or two other people.  I really dig like just meandering down the street in the late afternoon and saying “bonswa” to people as you pass, the way the Haitians do.

Anyways the rest of Sunday, and today as well, has been veeeerrry boring.  Jephthe went to Cap for the day, so Missy and I have nothing to do.  And I feel bad, like I think the people who work at the guest house and cook or whatever think we’re lazy, but we honestly have nothing to do!  We asked Mitou if we could help with anything, but she said no.  And her English is really limited so I don’t want to press.  So anyways, those of you who are so inclined could pray that I am able to put my down time to good use.  That tends to be when I get lost inside my own head, overanalyze things, get lonely…all of that unhealthy stuff. 

But overall I am having a great time.  My boyfriend Dominique (Jephthe’s 18-month old son) is completely unenthralled by me, which I assured Jephthe was typical of most men in my love life (or lack thereof) and completely normal.  I’m picking up a phrase or two of Creole a day but it is really hard to understand, and very frustrating when there’s no one around to interpret.  Boy do I miss having Sanon here!  But today as we wandered around looking for the cybercafe we met some really nice guys who are going to be going to school in the States and spoke good English, and helped us out.  For the most part the Haitians are really nice to us, although let me tell you the novelty of the communal shower experience wore off really fast and yesterday the laughter seemed pretty mean-spirited and it was just annoying.  I just want to be clean.  I think next time we’ll take Phenes or one of the guys from church down with us as our bodyguard/interpreter.  Experiences I never thought I’d have:  inviting a virtual stranger to shower with me.  Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess.

So that’s all from Pignon folks.  I am going to hit ‘post’ on this puppy, and if miracles are still happening, maybe someone will get to read it.  If not at least it provided some catharsis for me, and hey I still have 38 minutes left in the airconditioning, so that’s good enough for me.

Peaceout from Pignon,

“Blan Kim”

Ok a little more time to post this time.  It’s kind of weird I’m sitting in the kitchen of Jephthe’s brother’s house, and this guy is married to an American woman, so the house feels like an American house, there’s internet and some people are watching friends in the next room.  Haiti is definitely a land of contrasts.

Today my exciting new experience was a community shower down by the river.  No, not IN the river, don’t worry I haven’t taken to bathing in ox pee.  But they have like a giant spigot thing set up, it’s (relatively) clean water and it’s like a waterfall basically.  Because oh yeah, by the way, no running water at the guesthouse this time.  No idea what that’s about.  But it’s making things a little more…interesting.  So we went in our clothes, because, well, even though it’s like a national geographic special down there, doesn’t mean we have to totally join in the culture.  Nevertheless we were quite the spectacle. 

Anyways, Jephthe’s wife Mitou had the baby, I think I mentioned, a month early but mother and baby are doing ok, his name is Abdell, which means servant of God.  He’s a whopping like 5 pounds, something ounces.  They could only tell me in metric numbers.  I was like, what is this, Canada?  (That joke was for Doug).

Other than that, not much to report.  I wish I had some exciting stories but life moves pretty slowly here.  It’s weird not being a part of a work team, both because it’s weird not having my friends with me and it’s weird not doing the manual labor in a place like this.  But it’s good because it’s making me slow down and get to know the culture more.  But it’s wierd, like I’m always telling people who think I’m smart that I get to class at Harvard and I’m like the dumbest person in the room, here I feel like the Haiti expert I am at home is being totally out-Haiti’d.  It’s humbling to realize how much I still have to learn, how many people are soooo more dedicated than me, how LITTLE difference all of that studying creole flashcards made!  The Creole is almost impossible to understand.  Although I’m picking up a phrase here and there.

There’s a church service going on down the hill and we walked by it on the way up to Caleb’s house, and the singing was going on, and we stood for a minute but made our exit before we got sucked in.  And there was this woman singing oooon and ooon, and Kara, who’s this missionary who lives here full time goes, “Give a Haitian a microphone…”  And I died laughing.  Those of you who’ve been here can understand that!

So that’s all from Pignon this evening folks!  As always thanks for the prayers and love and support!  Oh, and one more thing, the girl from Florida who’s here that I’m rooming with is a Yankees fan.  So please pray for me!  I am truly being stretched out of my comfort zone in every way.  God has a sense of humor.

Hey guys!  Just a quick note to let everyone know that I’ve arrived safely in Haiti…those of you who were here with me the first time, you wouldn’t believe the guest house!  they’re hard at work on a 2nd floor.  Jephthe has a new baby boy, born a couple nights ago by Caesarian, so pray for Mitou as she recovers from surgery. 

Not much time before the power runs out so I gotta go, but will write more when I can.  Love you all and thanks for the love, cards, candle lightings, and prayers!

Love, Kim

Aren’t Saturday nights supposed to be fun?  Weekends in general, I mean, you’re supposed to feel relaxed, enjoy the camaraderie of friends, forget about your troubles, etc.  It seems I’ve always had trouble managing to have those weekends.  For a long time a job got in the way, schoolwork has crept in a lot over the years, but even when I don’t have a valid excuse like that, my own inner demons have a way of rearing their ugly heads and spoiling my fun.  Sometimes I do dumb things like sleep all day and then end up being depressed because 1) I haven’t seen enough sunlight and 2) I haven’t gotten anything done and am a big useless blob. 

Tonight it was my own feeling of isolation.  Isn’t it amazing how you can be surrounded by tons of people laughing and having fun and still manage to feel totally alone?  Maybe that’s just me.  I think I’m feeling it this week especially because I got a surprise visit from one of my favorite people in the whole world, and I forget how easy it is to hang out with someone who can finish your sentences.  And as great as it was to have her here, I feel the distance even more now that she’s gone.  Couple that with NG being off on her latest greatest adventure, and the constant reminders of my brother’s imminent departure from the country, and a betrayal of trust by someone that I trusted and confided in, and it all adds up to one very lonely Kim.

And in 3 days I leave for Haiti.  Is it too late to change my mind?  I mean I kind of like sleeping in and eating ramen noodles and watching Oprah, that’s a good life.  I try not to worry too much about the physical safety aspect of it, because hey, not much I can do anyways.  But that’s a weird feeling in and of itself.  Being afraid for my physical safety is not a feeling I’ve experienced much in my life, which I know is a tremendous blessing, and puts me in the minority of the world’s people.  The most I feel is a little freaked out walking back to my car in the city at night in the absence of any chivalrous gentlemen.  And then I just walk a little faster and make sure I keep my head up and my keys out…basically, there are things I can do to protect myself.  In Haiti, there’s not much I can do to protect myself from kidnappers or political violence.  I just have to trust that my life is in God’s hands.  But is that cavalier?  And will I be doing any good at all?  I mean who do I think I am that I can affect any change at all in a place that is so badly hurting?

So these are the things that swirled around my head tonight as I watched friends break out the beer pong table and proceed to reenact a frat party.  And I can’t fault them for doing what they enjoy, and in a way I envy them, because they can shake off whatever problems and troubles they all have that I’m sure are just as pressing as mine, and just enjoy themselves. It was that same surreal feeling I used to get in college when I would leave the Wellesley campus on the weekends and end up with my boyfriend and friends playing ski-ball at the arcade in Framingham.  Like being trapped between two worlds and never fitting anywhere.  (See, I sucked at being in college even when I was IN college, so 7 years later there’s no hope). 

So rather than be a Debbie Downer yet again, I simply excused myself early and came home to try and rein in my emotions and possibly even get some trip prep done.  I’m trying to rechannel the negative feelings, the ugly intellectual elitism that pops up when I least expect it and the martyr complex and all that other stuff, and instead use tonight as an opportunity to be grateful for the friends I have who are the same no matter where they are and who they’re with.  My friends who get me and sense my moods and know when I’m hurting even when I don’t ask for support (since I SUCK at that!).  And while those friends may be spread out across the country tonight, I wouldn’t trade them for a million drunk happy people right here in my backyard.  They make me believe in myself, remind me to believe in God when I have my doubts, and believe that there are people of integrity and character in this world.  I am profoundly blessed.