Kim Priore

Life at 7 Fairview these days is very dull.  I read other people’s blogs and wish I had something witty to contribute.  My average day lately consists of: sleeping, running errands, drinking coffee, surfing the net, aforementioned random outbursts of crying, more sleeping, and watching movies.  I joined Netflix, this was my big excitement for the day. 

The Emmy’s were a highlight of my week – how did Stephen Colbert lose to Barry Manilow?  I add this to the list of the mysteries in the universe.  As if we needed more evidence that sometimes life is just random and unfair.  In other entertainment news I finally saw Pirates of the Caribbean, and I’m out to steal Orlando away from Deirdre.  It’s my new mission in life.

For those interested, I did finish up my report for Bright Hope, got it printed up all professional-like, and FedExed it off on Monday.  The proposal from the chicken coop people is for a new batch of chickens to replenish the supply.  The new chickens can’t be raised from the existing ones because they lost so many at the beginning that in order to keep up the egg supply, which people have come to count on, they need new chickens.  So we’ll see what happens there.  I’ve discovered that it’s a lot of pressure to try and write when you feel like the protein supply of a couple hundred people is resting on your ability to make a case for it.  Obviously that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but nevertheless, a new kind of pressure for me.  But also it’s weird to have that all over and done with, it’s like, the Haiti trip is really over and I don’t know when the next one will be.  But for now it’s time to switch gears and get back into ivory tower – academic – moving in the halls of power – type of mode.  Ugh.

There’s a lot of cleaning happening here these days, big yard sale happening on the 16th, tell your friends.  Nana’s apartment is being cleaned out in preparation for a friend who’s moving in for a couple of months.  Doug’s room is being cleaned out because he left behind so much crap I can’t even take it and we’re not storing it for 2 years, so out it goes.  I can’t decide if it’s a good feeling to be clearing out the clutter and making a fresh start, or if I just plain hate change.  I think both.  Both can be true…repeat after me…both can be true…this is what you learn in therapy.  Good times.

And why is it 60 and raining at the end of August?  My jean jacket was not due to make an appearance for at least another month, and yet here it lies.  No fair.  At any rate, that about does it for the world’s dullest blog post.  Good night.

The flowers have mostly died, the sympathy cards have slowed to a trickle, fruit baskets have stopped arriving, the phone has stopped ringing off the hook, my schedule has started to free up.  I don’t dread wakes, and funerals, and the accompanying activities the way some people do.  I’ve had enough experience with death to know that in a twisted way, that’s actually the fun part.  THIS is the part I dread.  The part when it’s time to ‘move on.’  The part when it gets quiet.  The part when I’m left alone with my thoughts and my memories and my regrets.

In time I know I will forget the bad stuff.  I know I’ll forget what it was like to see my Nana slow down, become forgetful, and lose the independence she so prized.  In the same way I know that the pain of letting her go will ease and I’ll stop randomly bursting into tears without warning.  But in the meantime I exist in this liminal space of knowing it’s time to move on, and not yet being able to.

So it’s been awhile since I blogged.  I wasn’t kidding, I really am home from Haiti.  It’s just been a bit of a whirlwind since then.  The aforementioned Sox game, SoulFest, nuptuals, etc…all went off without a hitch.  Then not a week after I got home, we lost my Nana, in the middle of the night, just like that she was gone.  Quiet and unassuming, in death as in life. 

Then my brother and his wife left to teach school in Israel for 2 years.  So it’s been a period of goodbyes.  Maybe not goodbyes, but “so long”s.  “TTFN”s for the Tigger fans out there.  So long to my friends in Haiti, so long to a friendship that was not as honest as I thought, so long to my beloved Nana, so long to my larger than life brother and rock solid sister-in-law.  All in a span of about 3 weeks.  I’m kind of tired.

As a result of all this, I’ve been thinking a lot about passing.  About how people pass through our lives for brief periods of time, really.  And we place so much stock in them; what they think of us, how many of them we can gather around us, what they can do for us, what we can do for them.  Rather than taking the time to sit back and enjoy the grace of just being with them, and thanking God for whatever brief time he allows us to have.  That’s one of the things I learned from visiting my Nana toward the end of her life, was that it was possible to just enjoy being in someone’s presence.  She might not remember that I was here, an hour from now, a day from now, and she’s not going to remember what I’m telling her.  But right now, in this moment, she is overjoyed just to be with me.  She claps like a little kid when I walk into the room.  No one else does that.  I doubt anyone else ever will. 

But the grace I have received from friends in these past days and weeks has reminded me that time is one of the most precious gifts we can give.  People have emailed, called, sat with me, posted myspace comments, taken me to dinner, and just generally let me feel their presence.  Whether you took 5 minutes, or you’ve spent 5 days on the “is Kim about to stick her head in the oven?” watch…I appreciate it.  I may not have called back or responded right away, but I appreciate it.  And I’m doing alright…low energy…tend to burst into tears sort of randomly without warning…but doing alright. 

…to let everyone know that I am home, safe and sound.  Thank you all so much for the cards, notes, emails, blog comments, prayers and all-around support.  Tonight I’m going to sleep in an air-conditioned room with a full stomach, having watched the Red Sox achieve a come-from-behind victory in the bottom of the 9th.  This truly is a great country.  Despite being so tired I could throw up, I have seldom been happier.  Tomorrow I’m leaving for Soul Fest (Woo! Go Who Stands!) and a couple of days of R&R.  At some point hopefully I can post the final chapter of my amazing journey out of Haiti, it’s the stuff that legends are made of, seriously.  I’m excited to see everyone at the wedding Saturday or church on Sunday or whenever, and catching up with you all.

Tonight my friends in Pignon go to sleep not knowing if the next mosquito bite means malaria, the next drink of water means typhoid, or the next military coup spells trouble for them and their loved ones.  My prayer is that I won’t forget them in the craziness of life here, and that God will make me worthy of being their friend, because it’s an honor I don’t deserve.  They have inspired me, loved me, humbled me, braided my hair, sung to me, fed me, let me ride their donkeys, gotten me across rushing rivers in one piece, and made me laugh.  I will see them again soon, “si Dye vle.” (God willing). 

Goodnight from the Home of Champions,

“Blan Kim”