Duck Tours, Haiti Style
Today I had a very Haitian day. It started out at 4:45 this morning. Jephthe and I had discussed yesterday the possibility of me going along on his ride to Cap Haitien to pick up his dad from the airport. Cap is 40 miles from Pignon but it takes about 4 hours to get there because the road is sooooooooo bad. There were some last minute questions as to whether or not there would be room for me in the car, but I never got a definitive answer. So I figured, I’ll be up at 5 (the time he said he wanted to leave) and be ready to go. I hear him up and around, but he doesn’t come knocking. I sit there for awhile till about 5:30 when I decide he’s most likely left without me and there wasn’t room, crawl back into my bunk but stay dressed just in case. About 6 I finally decide, he’s definitely gone by now, and I get undressed again, and take the contacts out. 6:22 a.m. I hear “My Keeem? Are you ready?” GL. So we’re up and at ‘em. Then I started timing, and it was literally 7:30 before we left Pignon. That my friends is a Haitian morning.
The road to Cap is unbelievable. I did it once before, in the back of a truck. We went in a Jeep this time, and there were 5 adults, two children who DEFINITELY should have been in car seats, and one girl of about 10 or 11 maybe, on my lap. Britney Spears has nothin’ on us, y’all, THIS is country. It’s impossible to sum up the ride in one word, so here are a few: terrifying, bone-jarring, exhilarating, breath-taking, exhausting. My favorite are the parts when you round a bend and think, why, the road is completely gone. And then you realize the car is going RIGHT THRU THE RIVER. This was a lot less scary when we did it in a big truck. I could have reached out and touched the water, I’m not sure how we didn’t stall out. I told Jephthe that in Boston people pay a lot of money and call this a Duck Tour. He thought that was pretty funny. Then we’d come across these enormous mud puddles, and he’d either charge right thru with no way of knowing (in my judgment anyway) how deep they were, and I’d think “this is it we’re going to get stuck” OR he’d sort of skirt the edge of this really deep puddle, and I’d think “this is it, we’re going to tip over.” This happens…roughly every 5 feet. For four hours. I said lots of Hail Mary’s, my Nana Mella would be proud. (Mum you can leave that part out when you read to Nana Phyllis.)
The thing about this drive is it also features some of the most breathtaking mountain vistas I’ve ever seen in my life, and I don’t even have pictures, because the road is too bumpy to take any. But my deep thought for the day is, if you only focus on how rough the road is, you miss the beautiful view of the bigger picture. Ok that’s it for my Jack Handy moment.
Anyways once in Cap it was a lot of driving around and waiting and sweating and driving around and waiting and sweating and driving around and waiting. And sweating. Have I mentioned the sweating? Because there was a lot of it. We dropped someone off at the Hotel Mont Joli, so I got to see that again, and ate at the Lakay restaurant where my team ate last time, the site of the infamous Mambo #5. Sometimes it’s fun to re-live memories, and sometimes it can be hard. Particularly when people were a part of them who aren’t in your life anymore, or who aren’t there in the same capacity they once were. So that was actually a little difficult for me.
We finally arrived back in Pignon circa 8:00 this evening. The ride home featured me jammed in the back seat with 3 other women. One of whom was Jephthe’s mom. “Ma’am Sidoine” as she is known, is like the matriarch of this clan which boasts 9 children, many of them pastors, and grandchildren too numerous to count, spread across Haiti and the US. She’s amazing to me. I treat her with the utmost deference. She was now seated on my lap. Awesome. BUT…I got to shower tonight, and it’s amazing what a difference being clean can make.
So that’s all from Haiti tonight folks. Prayer requests are, that I would be able to pin Jephthe down on the information that I need for Bright Hope and make good use of my remaining time here, that I would continue to be able to build a relationship with his wife Mitou who is really sweet and shy and her English is limited. Asking direct questions is not a part of Haitian culture, they tend to find it really jarring when you do that and they don’t do it to you. So I’m still trying to figure out how exactly you get to know a Haitian. Ha. I’m also processing some stuff in my personal life, just in terms of relationships and learning to let go of some things, and I could really use prayer for that as I seek some closure and peace. At the same time not wanting it to dominate my thoughts either.
Miss you all and love you all tons! Thank you so much for the emails…my internet time is so limited and the connection so slow that I’m not able to answer them all but receiving them when I log on is a big encouragement!
Love from Haiti, Kim
No commentsTuesday
Hey guys! Well computer issues continue to abound, I think it’s just one of the ways I’m being tested this week. Because apparently not having running water was not enough. Who knew.
Last night for a fun change of scenery, Missy and I slept out at Kara’s little apartment place, which is at Caleb’s school, so kind of on the outskirts of town. (By the airport and the chicken farm, for those with a frame of reference). So it was nice, it’s a lot cooler out there and it was a pleasant evening and nice to have a little privacy since with so many random people coming and going from the guest house at all times you kind of feel like you’re under a microscope, and like people are talking about you but you can’t tell what they’re saying. So whatever.
This morning Jephthe picked us up and we stopped by the Sugar Mill/Chicken farm…not entirely clear why but always fun to be there, it was a really clear morning and the scenery was beautiful. Got to watch Jephthe explore his inner Haitian child by knocking ripe mangos down out of a tree with a sugar cane stalk.
I spent the bulk of my day sorting shoes in this warehouse type thing (aka a cynder block room with very little light or ventilation). These were shoes donated through Bright Hope (I think) and they get all mixed up in transit so we had to find matches for them. We worked with a bunch of the young Haitian guys that live with Caleb and Debbie. Today’s tip, people, is when you give shoes to charity, please tie them together by the laces. Or with several rubber bands. I’m gonna have to veto the duct tape idea because it melts and gets sticky. Anyways this was a dull boring dirty job, but hey, yesterday I was bored and wishing for something to do. That’ll teach me.
Speaking of teaching, have I mentioned that I hate English? At least teaching it. It’s very annoying and makes no sense at all.
So that’s about all there is to report folks. Kinda just feeling a little dirty and homesick. Otherwise, status quo. One week from today I leave Pignon and one week from tomorrow I’m home! Woo! The good news is Jephthe and I sat down today and went over what information I need to capture for Bright Hope, so he IS aware of it and he PROMISES me that I will get everything I need. We shall see….
Good night from the tropics, miss you all!
No commentsJust another Pignon Monday
Sak pase people! I am coming to you live from my new favorite place in Pignon, the AIRCONDITIONED cyber cafe next to the hospital. I’m thinking of having my mail forwarded here and taking up permanent residence.So I have had many many issues attempting to post the past few nights, I appear to have some kind of vodou curse on me when it comes to computers, but I love you all so I’m giving it another shot.
Saturday was market day in Pignon so my big adventure was taking a ride out to the Pignon by fourwheeler. There’s this American girl Kara who lives here full time and teaches at Caleb’s school, and she tools around on a fourwheeler. Y’all, that is the way to travel. The market was indescribable. Prior to this I had only shopped with like the women who come to the guest house and hawk you the touristy stuff. This was the actual market where the Haitians shop. Like I’m pretty sure I got splattered with chicken guts at one point because someone was hacking away at their fresh meat. The sell laundry soap in these long bars, which when you see them, makes sense for scrubbing. Their salt is really course and chunky. There’s these little huts everywhere made out sticks and it’s just a mad crush of people. Very authentic national geographic feeling. It was so cool.
The second thing I did on Saturday was take a ride out to the chicken coop my team worked on when we were here last time. And at some point I’m going to have to go back and be all reportery and write things down for Bright Hope like the professional I am, but for now all I could do was stand there and stare. You guys, it was so cool to see how it’s grown! There are three more buildings now, two behind the big coop that are used as clinics for the sick chickens, and one opposite the door (Scott’s door!) that is used for breeding. (Line of the day from Jephthe: “Kim, come see how I reproduce.” Um, ‘scuse me, what was that?)
And speaking of Jephthe reproducing, Mitou and Abdell came home from the hospital on Saturday! They’re staying at the guest house because he is in the process of moving his household over there, so they can be more involved with the teams when they come, which I told him I thought was a great idea. And he had their relatives decorate her room all pretty with like streamers and lace over the curtain, and basically y’all some things are romantic in any language. It was the sweetest thing ever. And thanks to the quick thinking of my mother and her last minute purchase of a disposable video camera, I got it all on tape! Woo! (Those of you who have viewed my first foray into videography with the infamous Trip To Michigan With The Aunties in the RV are anxiously awaiting a sequel, I’m sure.)
So that was Saturday, Sunday was church, which – yes, ’05 team members, is as long as you remember. Then we took a ride out to Pastor Ismael’s camp in Santiauge. (Pastor Ismael is the pastor I visited in Queens when Jephthe and Sanon were there last fall.) He runs a camp for kids on the spot where he was born, apparently it used to be a big vodou area and the church has claimed it back. We rode out on a pickup truck, which is just as painful and Survivor-feeling as I remember, and then we actually walked back, because it wasn’t that far. And as much as I miss having a team with me, it’s also really fun to be able to wander around town with one or two other people. I really dig like just meandering down the street in the late afternoon and saying “bonswa” to people as you pass, the way the Haitians do.
Anyways the rest of Sunday, and today as well, has been veeeerrry boring. Jephthe went to Cap for the day, so Missy and I have nothing to do. And I feel bad, like I think the people who work at the guest house and cook or whatever think we’re lazy, but we honestly have nothing to do! We asked Mitou if we could help with anything, but she said no. And her English is really limited so I don’t want to press. So anyways, those of you who are so inclined could pray that I am able to put my down time to good use. That tends to be when I get lost inside my own head, overanalyze things, get lonely…all of that unhealthy stuff.
But overall I am having a great time. My boyfriend Dominique (Jephthe’s 18-month old son) is completely unenthralled by me, which I assured Jephthe was typical of most men in my love life (or lack thereof) and completely normal. I’m picking up a phrase or two of Creole a day but it is really hard to understand, and very frustrating when there’s no one around to interpret. Boy do I miss having Sanon here! But today as we wandered around looking for the cybercafe we met some really nice guys who are going to be going to school in the States and spoke good English, and helped us out. For the most part the Haitians are really nice to us, although let me tell you the novelty of the communal shower experience wore off really fast and yesterday the laughter seemed pretty mean-spirited and it was just annoying. I just want to be clean. I think next time we’ll take Phenes or one of the guys from church down with us as our bodyguard/interpreter. Experiences I never thought I’d have: inviting a virtual stranger to shower with me. Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess.
So that’s all from Pignon folks. I am going to hit ‘post’ on this puppy, and if miracles are still happening, maybe someone will get to read it. If not at least it provided some catharsis for me, and hey I still have 38 minutes left in the airconditioning, so that’s good enough for me.
Peaceout from Pignon,
“Blan Kim”
No commentsDay 2
Ok a little more time to post this time. It’s kind of weird I’m sitting in the kitchen of Jephthe’s brother’s house, and this guy is married to an American woman, so the house feels like an American house, there’s internet and some people are watching friends in the next room. Haiti is definitely a land of contrasts.
Today my exciting new experience was a community shower down by the river. No, not IN the river, don’t worry I haven’t taken to bathing in ox pee. But they have like a giant spigot thing set up, it’s (relatively) clean water and it’s like a waterfall basically. Because oh yeah, by the way, no running water at the guesthouse this time. No idea what that’s about. But it’s making things a little more…interesting. So we went in our clothes, because, well, even though it’s like a national geographic special down there, doesn’t mean we have to totally join in the culture. Nevertheless we were quite the spectacle.
Anyways, Jephthe’s wife Mitou had the baby, I think I mentioned, a month early but mother and baby are doing ok, his name is Abdell, which means servant of God. He’s a whopping like 5 pounds, something ounces. They could only tell me in metric numbers. I was like, what is this, Canada? (That joke was for Doug).
Other than that, not much to report. I wish I had some exciting stories but life moves pretty slowly here. It’s weird not being a part of a work team, both because it’s weird not having my friends with me and it’s weird not doing the manual labor in a place like this. But it’s good because it’s making me slow down and get to know the culture more. But it’s wierd, like I’m always telling people who think I’m smart that I get to class at Harvard and I’m like the dumbest person in the room, here I feel like the Haiti expert I am at home is being totally out-Haiti’d. It’s humbling to realize how much I still have to learn, how many people are soooo more dedicated than me, how LITTLE difference all of that studying creole flashcards made! The Creole is almost impossible to understand. Although I’m picking up a phrase here and there.
There’s a church service going on down the hill and we walked by it on the way up to Caleb’s house, and the singing was going on, and we stood for a minute but made our exit before we got sucked in. And there was this woman singing oooon and ooon, and Kara, who’s this missionary who lives here full time goes, “Give a Haitian a microphone…” And I died laughing. Those of you who’ve been here can understand that!
So that’s all from Pignon this evening folks! As always thanks for the prayers and love and support! Oh, and one more thing, the girl from Florida who’s here that I’m rooming with is a Yankees fan. So please pray for me! I am truly being stretched out of my comfort zone in every way. God has a sense of humor.
No commentsSak Pase from Haiti
Hey guys! Just a quick note to let everyone know that I’ve arrived safely in Haiti…those of you who were here with me the first time, you wouldn’t believe the guest house! they’re hard at work on a 2nd floor. Jephthe has a new baby boy, born a couple nights ago by Caesarian, so pray for Mitou as she recovers from surgery.
Not much time before the power runs out so I gotta go, but will write more when I can. Love you all and thanks for the love, cards, candle lightings, and prayers!
Love, Kim
No commentsWhere have all the grown-ups gone?
Aren’t Saturday nights supposed to be fun? Weekends in general, I mean, you’re supposed to feel relaxed, enjoy the camaraderie of friends, forget about your troubles, etc. It seems I’ve always had trouble managing to have those weekends. For a long time a job got in the way, schoolwork has crept in a lot over the years, but even when I don’t have a valid excuse like that, my own inner demons have a way of rearing their ugly heads and spoiling my fun. Sometimes I do dumb things like sleep all day and then end up being depressed because 1) I haven’t seen enough sunlight and 2) I haven’t gotten anything done and am a big useless blob.
Tonight it was my own feeling of isolation. Isn’t it amazing how you can be surrounded by tons of people laughing and having fun and still manage to feel totally alone? Maybe that’s just me. I think I’m feeling it this week especially because I got a surprise visit from one of my favorite people in the whole world, and I forget how easy it is to hang out with someone who can finish your sentences. And as great as it was to have her here, I feel the distance even more now that she’s gone. Couple that with NG being off on her latest greatest adventure, and the constant reminders of my brother’s imminent departure from the country, and a betrayal of trust by someone that I trusted and confided in, and it all adds up to one very lonely Kim.
And in 3 days I leave for Haiti. Is it too late to change my mind? I mean I kind of like sleeping in and eating ramen noodles and watching Oprah, that’s a good life. I try not to worry too much about the physical safety aspect of it, because hey, not much I can do anyways. But that’s a weird feeling in and of itself. Being afraid for my physical safety is not a feeling I’ve experienced much in my life, which I know is a tremendous blessing, and puts me in the minority of the world’s people. The most I feel is a little freaked out walking back to my car in the city at night in the absence of any chivalrous gentlemen. And then I just walk a little faster and make sure I keep my head up and my keys out…basically, there are things I can do to protect myself. In Haiti, there’s not much I can do to protect myself from kidnappers or political violence. I just have to trust that my life is in God’s hands. But is that cavalier? And will I be doing any good at all? I mean who do I think I am that I can affect any change at all in a place that is so badly hurting?
So these are the things that swirled around my head tonight as I watched friends break out the beer pong table and proceed to reenact a frat party. And I can’t fault them for doing what they enjoy, and in a way I envy them, because they can shake off whatever problems and troubles they all have that I’m sure are just as pressing as mine, and just enjoy themselves. It was that same surreal feeling I used to get in college when I would leave the Wellesley campus on the weekends and end up with my boyfriend and friends playing ski-ball at the arcade in Framingham. Like being trapped between two worlds and never fitting anywhere. (See, I sucked at being in college even when I was IN college, so 7 years later there’s no hope).
So rather than be a Debbie Downer yet again, I simply excused myself early and came home to try and rein in my emotions and possibly even get some trip prep done. I’m trying to rechannel the negative feelings, the ugly intellectual elitism that pops up when I least expect it and the martyr complex and all that other stuff, and instead use tonight as an opportunity to be grateful for the friends I have who are the same no matter where they are and who they’re with. My friends who get me and sense my moods and know when I’m hurting even when I don’t ask for support (since I SUCK at that!). And while those friends may be spread out across the country tonight, I wouldn’t trade them for a million drunk happy people right here in my backyard. They make me believe in myself, remind me to believe in God when I have my doubts, and believe that there are people of integrity and character in this world. I am profoundly blessed.
No commentsIndependence Day in the Home of Champions
First of all, why are Dr. Phil and his wife hosting the
Why today was a good day
So since I was kind of in a pissy mood last night when I posted, and rightfully so I still think, I thought I would post again tonight to say hey, you know what? Today was a good day. I’m feeling very Stuart Smalley all of the sudden, obviously I’m hoping that feeling goes away as soon as possible. But I woke up this morning to the news that one of my great friends from college, one of the infamous Newsies, will be in the Boston area this weekend and wants to hang out at our favorite local dive bar. Not some hip club in the city where we won’t be able to have decent conversation, not some place where I’m gonna have to dress up and be fake, but a bar right down the street with bikers and beer and great chicken wings. And I get to go there with one of the smartest, funniest, most original people I know. What a great thing to wake up to!
Throughout the course of the day I had great conversations with great people. BL and I talked about happenings in the entertainment world, as well as in the lives of ourselves and our friends. (And I got the news that she’s coming to visit in a couple months too! Woo!) BN and I discussed growing pains and life’s transitions and finding the courage to face them. LT and I discussed the Sisterhood, and how some people get it and some people don’t, and how it hurts to find out who’s who the hard way. And of course the incomparable, ever-present, ever-witty and brilliant SW and NG talked about everything. Because that’s what they do.
And somewhere in there I managed to get some work done (although not enough sadly); go to choir practice where I almost managed not to be annoyed with church people for a whole two hours (almost); and also do some grocery shopping. The insanity of my one-armed father and crazy mother trying to move a tv on a wheelchair and jam it into a cabinet with a crowbar (don’t ask) didn’t kill me, so ergo it must have made me stronger. Right? I even saw my brother today, which let’s face it, I won’t get to do on a regular basis much longer, so I want to appreciate it while I can.
Anyways this all has a very youth-groupy, de-briefy, “10 blessings” feel to it – that’s right FCCH yg survivors in the house, holla!!!! So let’s wrap this puppy up. Today was a good day. I didn’t get nearly enough done, I’m still in debt up to my eyeballs, I still feel hurt and angry, and I don’t have it all figured out. Nevertheless, today was a good day.
No commentsWhen will I learn?
I don’t know what the worst feeling in the world is. In light of the Angelina interview last night with Anderson Cooper, I’m thinking it’s like, being an amputee in a refugee camp in Sierra Leone. Being a victim of gang rape in the Congo. I know that I’m not even remotely in the running for worst feeling in the world.
But the worst feeling in MY world is feeling vulnerable. I have a really hard time trusting people, and those who are in my inner circle know that it’s a mixed blessing. You get the die hard, passionate, almost mob-like loyalty that comes with the Priore name. You get the 24-7 availability for Real Time Relationship Services. You get someone who is always willing, if not eager, to drop everything and have ice cream or coffee with you. Or ice cream. Crap now I want ice cream. But you also get someone for whom you are one of only a few close friends. That means I rely on you, that means I trust you, that means you get to see a side of me that few people see.
So with these people in particular I am working on the whole vulnerability thing. Lots of time and money sunk into therapy has taught me that being passive aggressive (and we’re talking ACTUALLY passive aggressive, not the NG version) – not always the best way of letting someone know how you feel and what you need. It’s better, say all the books and experts and my former therapist, to let people know what’s on your mind and ask for help when you need it.
But what happens when you’re honest with someone, and you tell them what you need and what would make you feel more secure and loved, and they refuse? For what on the surface is a good reason, and then you find out later that they went out of their way to look out for themselves and left you out to dry? And THEN had the AUDACITY to be nice to your face and ask you how you were doing??? I keep thinking I have learned my lessons about who I can rely on and trust, but somehow people always manage to surprise me.
I said this was the Summer of Enough Cryin’ and I meant it. I have a trip to Haiti to get ready for, oh yeah a language to learn, a work study project to salvage, classes to plan for next year at HARVARD (there Nan I dropped the H-bomb ok?) and most importantly GREAT friends and family who love me. I will not waste time on people who are clearly not worth it. Except to say this: a deliberate, knowing betrayal hurts more than those people who have just forgotten me and moved on. Because I’ve done that too, and life is busy and short and we’re all human. And maybe you think you got away with something. Congratulations. You’re one up on me, you’re cooler than me. I get it. But at the end of the day, I know who my friends are. They are people of character: loyal, supportive, and they don’t throw it back in my face when I ask for help.
That’s what my inner circle looks like. Take it or leave it.
No commentsHow many guesses do you get?
Have you ever noticed how tiring it is to constantly second guess yourself? I feel like I live in a perpetual state of second guessing, and I’m really exhausted by it. I just came back from a weekend in the nation’s capital, spending time with some great friends and revisiting some old haunts. And even though these friendships are as current and relevant to my life as ever, many parts of my trips were like walking down memory lane. Or at times, glancing down the lane of what might have been. You’d think that after 5 years back in Boston I’d have made my peace with my decision to move back home after my intern year was over. But I still wonder what my life would be like now if I hadn’t done that. The friends I was visiting this week chose to stay there. They now have boyfriends, husbands, jobs, degrees, houses, and babies on the way. In some ways, I feel like their lives have kept on going forward while I remained kind of stuck in neutral, spinning my wheels.
As I tried to remember my way around the streets of DC, I also marvelled at how I was able to strike out and move there in the first place. It was so uncharacteristic of me, and I haven’t really done anything that brave before or since. The period of unemployment and the loss of my Nana Mella and other family members after I came home were the first time in my life that I came to the realization that I couldn’t do everything. I realized that the president’s charge to the graduates at my college commencement was kind of a load of crap, that I might not be able to save the world AND make millions of dollars AND have successful relationships AND achieve inner peace. It shook my confidence in a way that I never really recovered from. Which I suppose is good, the hubris of the young is something that’s supposed to die out and be replaced with a sense of realism. But as I was driving around DC, I realized that’s really what I missed. Not so much the constant construction and gridlock, not the flood of tourists, and certainly not endless housenight meetings. Rather, I miss the sense of confidence that I took to DC with me, and that I somehow managed to lose somewhere along I-95 on the way home.
But so now as I try to make decisions about how to move forward with my summer plans and how to structure my studies and internships and budget my time and money, I find myself missing that confidence and instead feel exhausted from the process of second-guessing decisions that haven’t even been made yet.
No comments